My dear love
Life is short
and the value is in the loving
Cherish every moment
how much love can you see right here and now
Live a life you can feel good about
one where you know you made a difference
where you gave your best
When you look back
it will be the overall essence
not the doing and tasking that remains
As you age
grief will become your constant companion
like an old pair of shoes
the ones you loved in the beginning
wore everywhere
but now don't quite fit right
but you can't let go
Life shifts and changes

Content warning: swear words

This is not about you
this is not about being mean to you
this is not about not loving you
this is not about wanting a man-bun
this is about me
this is about me crashing
this is about the past
rearing its ugly head
and dominating my world

Lately,
I've been an infrequent visitor
The best pathway I know
kneel down at the altar
bow my head
give it up to the Divine
maybe cry a few tears
say a few words of gratitude
get up off that bench
and walk

The fog holds steady in the trees
above, a bright blue sky
the sun grows ever brighter
but still
the fog holds steady in the trees.

Taking my time
Allowing the tears
Not pushing too hard
Simple walks outside
no big agenda
simply being present
Watching out the window
still or windy
birds flying by
clouds floating 
or filling the sky
taking it all in
Taking forward steps
but small gentle ones
no guilt included
Surrendering to what I need
right here, right now
a handful of chocolate chips
a glass of wine
asking to be held
letting the tears slip out
snuggled in a big blanket
Dressing comfortably
Walking barefoot

Is it coincidence
I don't think so 
I could make a playlist
first your song
then two of his
songs of remembrance
the two of you
sitting there 
in heaven
sending us 
beams of love
just like I saw
in your eyes
at the end
with that angelic smile
telling me forever
your love is endless

I feel suspended in time. I am dealing with my Mom’s estate and I continue to take stock of her life. She told me in the year before her death she was a social misfit; she had no social grace. Funny thing is that is what I noticed my whole life. My mom was loud and boisterous. She laughed, loud, at jokes. She went about her life doing what she did, insisting others help her on her time, being the center of her own life. As a child, I found it embarrassing. 

Home
in my husband's arms
curled against his back
holding his hand
my anchor 
Home
curled up on the sofa
wrapped in a warm blanket 
glass of wine nearby
Home
time with my daughter
laughing and sharing our lives
the connection
that spans the miles
Home
door closed
my personal space
sinking into my deepest self
allowing words to flow
Home
used to be talking with my mom
plotting garden ideas
or discussing family and life
that piece is fluttering
in the wind
unattached

You wore colors, 
oh so many colors
You wove a connecting thread
through scattered bits of family
binding us all into one
You gave of your time, talent and dollars
to help those less fortunate
and support your community
You were strong and independent
and maybe a bit stubborn
and once you made a choice
you saw it through no matter the cost
You quietly built a life
anyone could be proud of
and in the end, you left 
a legacy of love and wisdom
For me, you were just mom
the one I could talk to for hours

Living questions
they are like 
agreeing to disagree
those questions
with no answers
you decide to let lie
Why?
Why did he do it?
How?
How did we get there?
Could I have anything differently?
Which thing?
Why did they hate me so much
as to want to destroy my career?
Where did this stone originate?
Why do I feel unworthy,
at times?
How do I heal this pain
in my heart and soul?
What is the secret
to a life well lived?
How do I impart my knowing
into someone else's mind?