Drifting into the past,
thinking about our last home
and the lovely gardens.
I remember saying goodbye
to the garden as we prepared
to leave for the last time.
I remember the tears
of farewell to the garden -
a place of labor and joy
and a respite from the world.
And, then I remember
the tears of farewell
I continue to cry for my son
and the tears start to flow.
That home was where

Stepping off into the new -
never a truly clear path,
always an adventure.
Holding my breath
as though preparing to dive
into the clear, cool water.
And then the dive,
leaping into the air,
suspended,
silence,
the moment
before landing in the water.
Will it be a beautiful clean dive
or a bit of a splash
or a flat out belly flop.
Depends on the focus

Flitting
Ideas flying
Mind to and fro
Tasks a plenty
So much to do
So many ideas
Woohoo
Hit the mat
Breathe
Ground
Bring it all inside
Back to center
Build the foundation
A breath of fresh air
Calm
Solid
Inviting
Home

Movement
waking and stretching
as if from a long nap
spring is here
the air feels different
the birds
oh my goodness, the birds
singing their sweet songs
pulling forth life
from within my being
hello spring
Going for a walk
looking for a spring pic
came upon a spring
bubbling up from the Earth
felt right.
Happy spring,
Victoria

A gathering of family
to honor the birthday
of a loved one, now gone.
Candles fluttering or
flickering out in the breeze.
Flowers placed on the mandala
surrounding his final resting place.
Bits of sharing,
a few tears,
some silence
and some laughter.
Then on to a glass of wine,
a "blech" by Grandma as
she tastes the brew she doesn't like.
All in celebration of the one,

It's a dreary rainy day.
My heart is pounding.
My eyes threaten to spill.
But, it's not the grief this time.
It's about me.
It's about the unknowing.
It's about the chaos I see in the world.
It's about my sense of helplessness.
it's about thinking there must be
Something, I can do.
For me, ranting and raving against
what I see as wrong, doesn't work.
That takes me to a very dark place.

Writing -
it's been a while,
wandering in the dark,
hiding around the corner.
But now,
with spring upon us,
I crawl up from the
deep, dark, moist Earth
and begin again.

Grief and rage
turned into action
tempered by love,
and Tribe
I want something
bigger than tribe

I'm trying to move,
sadness continues to be
my constant companion.
My mind is a constant swirl.
I can feel the stirring of spring.
I can feel the pressure
of tasks long left undone.
I no longer want to just curl up
in front of the fire,
or stay in my cave
and ignore the rest of the world.
But I also don't seem to have
any forward moving energy.
So, I'm just letting it be,
finding one thing
that calls me in the moment.
Baby steps, I believe they call it,
steps into the now.
It seems crazy

An evening of remembrance -
stories shared
with a best friend,
another one who adored him.
Once again
I'm back to the why.
I reach this place of acceptance,
of letting go and moving on.
Then something happens
to bring back the senselessness
of the whole affair.
That darkness he hid so well,
the one that ate him
from the inside out,
the one we caught glimpses of
over the years
as he battled with the monster
known as depression.
How can someone so good,
so loving and giving
not see what we could all see?